Dancing on ice 2011 final

Just watched dancing on ice. The guy one it. And he should it was close...plus he felt the tit of the professional he was "dancing" with. I congratulate the celebrity performers of the show, especially the males, as dancing with those fit females, as they slice about on the snow in gossamer costumes, fannies open wide to the public save for a gusset and button fasteners, couldn't have been easy. I think it was only a matter of time before he cupped her breast.
Good on him, that's what I say. She's not a bad looking bit of stuff and she's as fit as fuck. You don't see many fat cunts on the ice do you, and there's a reason for that...it's hard enough skating on ice trying not to fall over without having to watch for cracks and holes in the ice where heavies have run their tracks. Kerry Katonia or whatever her name is was close to this. She's usually in good-ish shape too. She let me down, 'cause I like her sometimes when she's a bit slimmer. I know it's not easy because I've been called a fat bastard, usually from pricks. That Richard/Judy daughter had a good tit on here but as soon as you moved your gaze up and saw her face you knew instantly that she was the daughter of shaky, not Shakin' Stevens, but wobbly hands presented Judy Finiginiginiginiginginginigin. The daughter one nearly fell out of her costume last week and all credit to her for staying in, but I'd really rather she'd at least let one nipple show. It didn't do her mum any harm at the 2000 National TV Awards.
Anyway that's it over for another year and let's get the x-fucked her started, another bunch of twats, but gormless, hapless go lucky knob ends. I like the first couple of weeks when the special needs apply, it's good that they're not overlooked, it makes it such a joy to watch. I think they got their inspiration from those two lovely downs syndrome kids that danced on Blue Peter 20 years ago, or whatever it was. Nice. Now go and watch some tele.

Japan

Jesus Christ! What's happened to Japan? They were doing so well too. They had all that asian porn going on, although when you viewed it on some sites it was all blocked out and pixilated and stuff which ruined it a bit. But, other than that it was great, they had nice faces and great bodies and moaned, moaned a lot. I know it's not just porn, it's cars as well, I've always heard people say buy Jap or German, well BMWs look nice but I think they got slated in the top ten fucked cars last year, because they were too expensive and had loads of problems and that, you know. Anyway, I don't think they've got much to worry about in the way of cars, cause they've all been washed away. And the forecourts and the streets that the garages were on. The bliddy tsunami took everything away. What a basturt! Did you see that picture of the boat on top of someone's house. Look!
"We're not on a cruise this year kids....we thought we'd bring the cruise ship to us!"
And, there's a very real risk of a fucking massive explosion, I think it's termed Nuclear Meltdown but I'd rather the news reporters and journalists said "There's a real risk of a fucking massive explosion. This is John Sissons, BBC News!" That would be keeping it real.
All in all, it's been a shitty week for the Japanese. Still, it's not all bad news, I just looked out the window and it looks like sun.

WTF aka What The Fuckin'fuck!?

Right, here's what's happened: that wee fella that was in charge of Egypt has stepped down. Stepped down from where, I don't know, maybe he was on the big swings and couldn't get down and someone had to aid him with the force of 1million rebellious citizens. Last in the series of Big Fat Gypsy Wedding was on last night (see the cunning link), and what a fukn show it was. There are a bliddy lot of them. They visited a town in the borders, I don't know, roundabout Cumbria or some place and they brought their wives and horses (not the same thing). Some of the wives are a bit rough looking, but you still would, especially with their tits all hanging out all of the shot; four pints of milk please.

The dresses of the gypsies are flamboyant; they are lavish; they cost a fuckingwell fortune and look just like toilet roll holders. That said, I don't ever remember wanting to stick my face in-between a toilet-roll holder's breast going "wibblywibblywobble" whilst shaking my inane smiling mug from breast to breast whilst executing teasing biting motions as my mouth visits each nipple. Phew!

Anyway I just remember that seem to get a raw deal just because they live off the fat of the land and pay any taxes or fuck all. I imagine that's why it costs about 50grand for a dress. I don't if that's even anywhere near the price for a dress because it's shrouded in so much secrecy, plus I don't actually care how much they cost. In fact, I'd rather not know who much these, freeloaders we'll call them for convenience sake, spend on a dress they'll wear for just one day before spending their solitary lives couped up in a Wemyss Bay caravan. They polish in the morning, then for brunch and lunch they'll polish, and perhaps if the wives are lucky they'll get to finish off the night by polishing the old man's trumpet. It seems a hard life, far too hard for the likes of me who gets cabin fever if I'm stuck in the house for more than an hour.

Back to a bit of reality here in my home. My back is improving, but I still feel as though I have the spine of elephant man and that's the posture my body has decided to adopt. I feel like a fraud being off work as there is nothing actually "sick" with me. Although as soon as I stand up and start to walk anywhere, I am reminded of my condition with a quick jolt up my flimsy spine.

It has also come to my attention that there may or may not be some plumbing and heating "engineers" operating in Scotland that are a couple of lying, cheating cock sucking fat bastards that will deny any real damage has been done to any-one's property. Pricks! As I say, these people may or may not exist. What do you fukn think!!!!!

UFOff!!!! - Dome of The Rock Jerusalem

Right, I watched a video on YouTube with a UFO over a building in Jerusalem, or to be more precise "dome of the rock, Jerusalem."

It was a bright light, yes like the star of Bethlehem, and it came down slowly from the skies (where else, it would come down slowly from the ground would it) and came to a halt above the temple thingy place. Just like a fukn film! Well, hold on a minute, for anyone with half a bliddy brain who saw the alien film Skyline recently (me) you could say that the film on YouTube is a load of pish. Special effects are pretty cool and cheap, well cool anyway. So what's to stop these gifted arseholes doing another one of those hoax things. Fuk all! But everyone wants to believe in aliens, don't they,' cause this planet is shite unless you're mega-rich and get what you want when you want.

If it was a choice between staying on this floating piece of shite in space and being abducted by aliens and taken to another planet and used as a sex object (meaning getting shoved up alien fannies) then most people would prefer being abducted, even if it meant getting your anus probed with a metal spike every couple of days.

I've had my doctor, or a doctor's, finger up my arse and it was not a comfortable moment. I lay on my side facing the wall (crying slightly), when she, yes she! lay one hand on my hip, one hand on my shoulder and put a finger up my rectum!? For me, if that was to happen 20 thousand miles above Earth on a grey alien spaceship, they aliens would be cleaning my shit off the floor for a fortnight. Still they're supposed to like ice-cream aren't they, maybe I'd get wise to their abductions and eat a lot of peanut butter and my shit my taste like peanut ice-cream to them.

Anyway, the film probably isn't real, some people think it's shit!

Here's a link to a page discussing the shit:

http://www.space.com/10789-jerusalem-ufo-hoax.html

Let's hope that if there are aliens out there they look just like us only with smaller cocks.

Update I suppose (What's been happening?)

Right, what has been happening? Not a lot is the honest answer, as far as me getting a new job or moving on in the world. I'm as stuck as a lolipop stick in a big pile of steaming hot shite. That's about as subtle as I care to get so, now you know the tone of this blog if you haven't already read some of the previous stuff.
My partner in crime, who will remain anonymous during my whole quest to achieve some sort of improvement on life, is still with me. She is a she and not a he in case you're wondering. I think I'm great to live with if you can put up with my inability to place socks in the clothes basket. Socks were meant to be rolled up and thrown at the back of someone's head.
I'm off to watch Being Human (series 3 episode...don't know) back later if I remember.

22:02
Right, I've just finished watching above mentioned episode of Being Human. Nice one, indeed, young *sir/madam (*delete where appropriate). There was a kindof zombie girl in this episode and there was some funny highlights, as always. All in all, nice one.
I reckon if I was to be a vampire, ghost or werewolf, I'd probably be a werewolf. Vampire's are too obvious. Although, do werewolf's live forever too. Whichever one give you the greatest lifespan. Seen those twighlight movies? They're not too bad. I think vampire's are more cool than werewolf's in films anyway. I'm going to watch a few episodes of Spaced now (series one). Laterzzzzzzz aligatorzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Snow Joke

Well it looks like it's going to snow forever. The media would have us believe that this is by far the worst winter in one hundred years, or was it ten, or five. I don't know, because they keep on moving the goal posts, depending on how much they want to sensationalise the miracle of snow. The whole country has come to a virtual stand still. Schools have shut down, cars are left abandoned at the road side, Jesus has postponed his return. Jesus wouldn't even have a look in if he came back now. In my experience, as soon there is a few floating snowflakes outside, everyone runs like hell to see the modern miracle that is snow. I reckon if Jesus had just walked into an office, he would get knocked down in the rush to see the snow.

I went to tesco recently to get a loaf, and milk and the usual perishables but you know what, there was no bread. Someone, or everyone, had bought everything. The cold seems to force people into the sort of mind set that is akin to pre-nuclear war panic. Oh dear, we may never see the light of day again. This snow has forced us all into our underground bunkers. We may eventually have to eat each other if and when the food runs out!

I've heard this cold session will last just beyond the week; I've also heard it will last another week and a half. There's been some amount of bollocks spoken this week. My boiler is playing up and water is coming from the taps like the tears of a small child who weeps for a decent maintenance engineer.

You see, I've called upon the expertise of an engineer to fix my boiler on many an occasion, but I stupidly thought the boilder could be repaired without any hastle. I don't know who is the bigger twat, him for fucking up my boiler or me for thinking he could fix it first go. That said, my boiler has been in the flat since the neolithic age. I wonder if that's why they sent neanderthal man? What was it he said again, Right, mate, that's you fixed. Hmmm, what's that bloody dripping noise coming from the boiler that wasnt' there before you started hitting it with a fucking bone?!!! Don't trust these clowns!

Anyway, I'm going to Farmfoods to see if the apocolypse has had an effect on their frozen meat.

New Year Same Old Shite!

Well that's it for another lifetime. 2009 came and went quicker than a premature wank session. I don't know about you, but I felt it was a bit samey. I think this 2010 will be just like the film with lots of arseholes floating around not really in touch with reality. Let's be honest, it's going to be neds/chavs/whatever out of their heads on mind-bending drugs experiencing life as only a vacuum headed prick can. Avoid these people, we'll call them people for the sake of conversation, like the fucking plague or just like the ordinary Swine Flu which seems to have died a death. Remember when we were going to experience another potential epidemic, a worldwide catasrophe? Did it happen? Did it shite! Most of the people dying of swine flu had an "underlying illness". She died of flu during childbirth. He died of flu after getting hit by a fucking bus. She died of swine flu after her head was cut of and sent to her husband for ransom.
I'm going for a drink.....

I've just finished watching Dr. Who, the last one ever with David Tennant. My friend, who is a girl, watched it also. We agree that the last 10-15mins where "what the fuck!".